Losing Someone to Cancer

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Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 23, 2009 at 6:00am

Can Thanksgiving be only days away? I have so much to be thankful for but I find myself saddened that our daughter won't be here again this year to share it with us. Holidays are the hardest for all of us. Everyone walks around all joyous when all I want is to get them over with. A part of me died the day our daughter died. There will always be that empty, lonely place inside me. I am praying for everyone, that you get the love, comfort and support you need as these holiday's pass by us.

Comment by JeshlovesKatrina on November 15, 2009 at 11:25pm

Diana, god knows I am trying. This is something I wish I could do but it hurts so much. I can't eat, can't sleep can't do anything Diana. We are each other's lives. It's like what would you get if you take water from the ocean? The Sun from our lives? That how it is now. It's that bad. We kept each other's life going, made each other complete. Now I really hate life as I know it. Without Katrina, its not worth it. I'm sorry.
I love you my baby, we will be together. I love you so much my wife. My everything, my world. My BABY!!!

Comment by Diana on November 15, 2009 at 9:32pm

i UNDERSTAND. THE HURT WILL LESSEN. i JUST WENT TO BED WITH A PICUTRE OF MY HUSBAND AND HELD HIM ALL NIGHT. AND WOKE UP WITH HIM IN THE MORNING. i WAS ABLE TO FEEL HIM RIGHT THERE WITH ME. SHE IS THERE WITH YOU. lISTEN FOR HER. FEEL HER. SHE IS YOUR STRENGTH EVEN NOW.

Comment by JeshlovesKatrina on November 15, 2009 at 4:57pm

I'm trying Diana. God I'm trying but complete each other. I'm 30 & she is 25 our love will always be the strongest and though we will be together again and forever when the time comes. I cannot live w/o her. Every chance we got the words,"I love you baby" came out of each other's mouths. Her last words to me was,"I LOVE YOU HUSBAND" OMGGG I LOVE YOU. Then baby never woke up. Oh god. I'm dying right now. Why god somebody tell me why? I cannot stop crying and the hurting is so bad. I was going to be an M.D. but when I met her I fell so much in love w/ her I stopped because I want to spend every second w/ her. Now. I can't continue. I'm sorry.
I love you always my baby. My love, my sweetheart, my princess you will always be the love of my life and I will never love again. Until we are together again my baby. I love you Katrina, my wife my baby.
Ajesh love Katrina FOREVER.

Comment by Diana on November 15, 2009 at 4:05pm

My heart aches for you Jeshloves. I CANNOT TELL YOU WHY. AND I
i KNOW WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS SOMEHOW. AND WE WILL. SOMEDAYS ARE EASIER AND SOME ONLY TEARS. OUR LOVES , OUR LIVES
OUR HAPPINESS. FORCED TO BE IN A PLACE WE DON'T WANT TO BE.
NOW YOU HAVE ME CRYING. BUT THATS OK.
EACH TEAR GETS ME STRONGER. EACH TEAR LETS ME KNOW HOW i TRULY LOVED MY SPOUSE. KEEP WRITING IT DOES HELP.

Comment by JeshlovesKatrina on November 15, 2009 at 1:28pm

Hi, I lost my baby to breast cancer also. CHF (congestive heart failure.) She died in her sleep. I just can't go on now. She is my everything and now she's gone. All the horrible people in the world and all our good love ones has to be taken. WHY???? Please tell me why? I wish I could die right now, so we can be together forever. I know it will come, the time will come again when we are together but I wish it was right now. OH GOD MY BABY IS GONE. I love you Katrina. I love you with all my heart my love. I love you Katrina, my love, my baby. MY WIFE. I LOVE YOU.

Comment by Diana on November 14, 2009 at 9:30am

Tania, Grieving is a strange and difficult time. and also very personal.
The one thing I have learned in my jouney with death of loved ones is that if they want you there to see then die you will be there. otherwise if they dont want you with them at tha time you wont be. This Was Moms choice.
I was not at my Moms side when she died but I was there the night before. I treasure those times with her. Very special .

Comment by Tania Taylor on November 14, 2009 at 12:31am

I lost my mom last July 22nd. She died four months after being diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer. While she lived in Hawaii and I live in Las Vegas I spent a month in hawaii then came home for 6 weeks then back again for six weeks during which time she passed away. My older sister cared for her while I wasn't there but worked so she needed me to help care for her since I don't work. I had to switch back and forth leaving my husband and daughter behind to take care of my mother. I have two other sisters, but they chose to continue on with their own lives. I feel so bad because I couldn't be there for mom in those last hours. I have a disability that exhausts me and we had spent all day at the cancer center. I told my mom I needed a nap so left her in her room to also nap. Later that night I checked up on her and she was complaining of heartburn. I told her to take a tums and if she felt worse to call for me. Turns out less then one hour later she had died in her sleep. I found her the next morning, peacefully looking asleep like a cherub. I feel like I didn't do enough for her. Like in her last moments I just said "take a tums". She wasn't one to complain at all, but I feel I should have known more. How do you deal with this guilt?

Comment by Katherine Ellis on November 6, 2009 at 1:44am

Diana, I can't imagine how your feeling. Your loss is so new yet. Our daughter died 9 years ago. So I can tell you that with time it will get softer. There will always be an empty spot and days where there is pain. But it won't be every day. Your right about the crying being normal and then will come anger. Dealing with a death comes in stages. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts, my heart and I will pray for you. God Bless

Comment by Diana on November 5, 2009 at 7:58pm

Oh how I feel what you are all feeling. I lost my husband 4 months ago to a very aggressive cancer. he was not diagnosed until he collasped and was taken by ambulance to a hospital and one week later he died, He also was not feeling well for the previous month and he took all the right steps so we thought. Its a good thing he did not have to suffer long. All I wanted was to say good by and let him know I loved him. He gave me a couple of days. He will always be my hero. My soulmate.
I needed to grief, although I knew he did not want me too. I cried and I cried and the tears still come rolling down my face just over a simple song. or going to the cemetary. i just sob. then I cry all the way home.
I loved him and I know this is all normal for me. and so it is for you.

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