I miss my Mom!

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Comment by Tania Taylor on November 14, 2009 at 12:48am

I feel so guilty. Did I do enough to take care of my mom while she was dying? My mom had 4 daughters. Two chose to act like nothing wwas wrong. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer on March 15 2009. On July 22 2009 she passed away in her sleep. When diagnosed I flew to Hawaii where she lived and stayed for a month. Then I had to go home to my husband and daughter. While home I tried to get my unemployed sisters to go back to Hawaii to help our older sister with our mother's care. They both came up with every excuse in the book. Even after I offered to pay for one of them to go. Once my mom got worse six weeks later I flew back to Hawaii. She had severe reactions to her chemo and would not eat. We tried everything. Daily blood transfusions, potassium infusions, platelets. I have a disability that makes me exhausted. So each all day trip to the hospital exhausted me. Finally on that laast day I had to take a nap. I checked on her later and said she had mild heartburn. I told her to take a tums then I went back to sleep. Turns out an hour later she passed awaay. I found her the next morning. Could I have done more? Should I have stayed with her in the room? Should I have realized her heartburn was actually her heart failing? Could I have done more. It feels so unfinished. I wish I could have sat and talked with her more. She was always so exhausted I wanted her to just rest. I wish I could just talk to her one more time.

Comment by Amber on November 7, 2009 at 8:51pm

It will almost be three years now that I've been living without my mother. The anniversary of her death is on the 10th of December....
I don't come on here much because I don't like talking about it. I joined because I knew I needed the help though.
And every day I see on my email that someone has added a comment to this page. So tonight I finally decided to come back.
My mom was never healthy. She was always sick with something. She was overweight and depressed. Her marriage was going downhill and I was a child that witnessed her parents fight 99 percent of the time. But my dad never divorced her because he knew it would hurt me and my sisters.
My mom was gone before she died. She was always drugged up on something. She'd become addicted. All her pains were cured with a pill. And when those pills were mixed together, they proved to be a very deadly concotion. She died of an overdose.
I miss her so much. I'm tired of having to see the realtionship my step sister has with her mom, because I'm so jealous.
I just want my mom again. I need her to give me a hug right now.

Comment by Alison on November 5, 2009 at 5:02pm

My mother passed away from complications related to pneumonia 2 1/2 weeks ago. She suffered from lupus and had a history of heart problems and a kidney transplant, but she had been not been seriously sick for years. She went into the hospital feisty as ever and told me to go back to grad school, that she would be home soon. My aunt, who is a nurse, called me the next day and said to go back to the hospital. As soon as I got there I noticed my mom was having difficulty breathing; she was sedated and put on a ventilator within 30 minutes of my arriving. We did not get a chance to talk. She never woke up and died five days later. My parents were married almost 33 years and I am an only child (my mother was too sick to have more). The pain of reality often seems too intense to bear and I find myself crying all the time.

Comment by sistershirley on November 4, 2009 at 2:12pm

My mother passed away from leukemia, it was sudden and unexpected. I miss her dearly, and for me the hardest part was how everyone acted as if she never existed. To talk about her seemed "morbid" to others. But she will always be my mother! I started a blog called The Modern Mourner to help create new ways to mourn. www.modernmourner.com. If you have any creative ideas about how to remember, please contact me!

Comment by Saloni on November 2, 2009 at 9:59pm

I just joined this group, not sure how it all works. I just felt like I needed to find people that have gone through what I have. Its really hard to talk with friends because I'm finding they don't really understand or they get uncomfortable when I express my feelings. My mom died 6 months ago in a sudden car accident along with 3 other family members. The accident happend overseas but I was able to get there while she was still in the hospital. She hung on for 14 days touch and go the whole time. Everything happened so fast and I feel like it didn't really happend. Nothing really makes sense when do things start becoming clearer?

Comment by Angela Beaver on October 21, 2009 at 3:02am

Its been awhile sense i have written anything on here. Its been 6 months 6 days at this point sense my mom passed. I dont feel like i can go on without her. Im not happy nothing can make me happy. All i want to feel is the pain she felt before she died. I want to die with all the pain she felt. All i want to do is die to be with her. I miss her so much. I just want 1 more hour with her. I blame myself. I was not there when she needed me the most. She kept telling me not to come home that she was not planning to die soon, I got the a few days to late. Its all my falt. I should have been there.

Comment by Katie Grace on October 12, 2009 at 4:00pm

Eight weeks is not that long at all to adjust to the shock of losing your mother, especially since it probably brings up past loses that make it even more difficult to face yet another loss. My heart goes out to you and I hope that the pain starts getting easier for you to manage!

Comment by Julie Marie Weiss on October 12, 2009 at 12:22pm

Today it is 8 weeks since my mom died. I still am in shock and find it so hard to believe that she is gone, that she brought me into this world and now she has left me all alone. She was the last of my family. I miss her so!

Comment by Julie Marie Weiss on September 29, 2009 at 7:16pm

It has been six weeks since my mom died and the pain is starting to come through for a bit then goes back and is buried deep. I do not feel like doing anything, I used to love to watch tv, read, be on my computer and I have to force myself to do the things I need to. I just don't care.

Comment by Katie Grace on September 16, 2009 at 9:36pm

I live in San Leandro, which is close to San Francisco...Thanks for the support and I know what you mean. My mom is the one who really encouraged me to go to college and supported me in every way possible. My dad is really supportive as well, its just different because I could talk to my mom about everything. The good thing is that Im growing closer to my father and our family has been growing closer to each other.

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